Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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