did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
