I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
