Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
