I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
