you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
