Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize