I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
