I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
