Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
