hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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