ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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