Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
