She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
