Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
