did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
