First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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