she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
