So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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