and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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