And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
