I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
