I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
