Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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