Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
