I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
