I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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