i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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