I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
