Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species