i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research