Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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