Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
