Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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