My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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