my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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