ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
a search helicopter?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
