aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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