I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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