last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
