Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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