OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
