hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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