I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
