YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
