? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Houston, we have a squirter
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
