Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
