So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you guys were way drunker than both of me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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