Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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