3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
