My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
