how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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