based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
