I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize