I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
