My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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