Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
