apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
