I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
