is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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