the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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