I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
