just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
