I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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