Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
