And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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