Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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