Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
