And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
