youre lurking in front of me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
