does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
