**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
