So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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