this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
