fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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