Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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