put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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