hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
