I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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