i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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