Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
