1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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