4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
even my farts smell like vagina
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
