dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
