I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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